Does saying no and setting boundaries make you break out in a cold sweat?

Are you so desperate for clients that you say yes to clients that you know are going to kill your creativity and sap the life out of you?

Do you work in a job where you think you’re on call 24/7?

I’m here to tell you that it is totally up to you what happens in your life – so it’s time to get tough and learn how to set boundaries with more ease!

I have conversations all day long with women in business and in corporates who say – but I don’t have a choice. I have to work long hours, I have to be on call on my days off, I can’t say no to that client.

Learning how to create boundaries that help you do what you need to, look after who you need to, and be the person you want to, is one of the most important things you can do for yourself.

I love the story that Brene Brown tells about making brownies for her daughters school and when she’s on a deadline or just doesn’t have the time and then gets asked to do something she really can’t she turns the ring on her finger 3 times and says – discomfort over resentment, discomfort over resentment, discomfort over resentment and I want you to remember that when we make decision to give into discomfort in the moment, we will end up resenting ourselves and the person who’s involved because we weren’t strong enough to say no.

Saying no is like any other muscle, you can strength it by using it and it doesn’t mean that you have to use it in real situations all the time – remember that what we do in private can become a learned behaviour.

It’s like I say to my clients when it comes to pricing – getting up in the morning and saying – this is my product and this is my price will help you become more comfortable talking about your pricing to actually clients and the same goes for saying no.

Let me give you an example. Pretend that you are having a conversation with someone you 100% know is not right for you but they are keen to work with you. What are things you could say that could get you off the hook but in a nice way?

– The project sounds great but unfortunately I may not be the right person to help you

– It sounds like you need someone who has X – think of what you don’t want to do and that’s what they need

– Thanks for connecting but unfortunately this project isn’t right for me . I think you could find someone who would be able to serve you better.

Think about qualifying questions when it comes to clients.

And if it’s work then I would recommend you don’t respond on days off. People expect you to be around – if you’re around. If you’re not around then they learn that you aren’t available when you say you’re not going to be available.

If you struggle with this – then ask yourself – what would actually happen if you didn’t answer the call or the email. Would the world end, would it fall apart? If it actually would then you probably shouldn’t be taking any time off – every but I’m guessing that, that’s not the case.

People will take what you give.

People will take whatever you give. Because you’re giving it. So it’s up to us to create our own boundries otherwise we’re the ones who are going to be resentful.

Practise on your partner, friend, dog – whatever it takes. Practise what you would say when put in a difficult situation and then it becomes learned behaviour and something you can draw on when you need to!